Friday, January 29, 2016

A Dinosaur Is Coming to Town

So yeah, I'm a dinosaur. I'm a giant prehistoric reptile and I snore. You want to hear more? 
I'm a thing of lore. I scare all the people that I adore, and when they cry "no more, no more." I stomp my feet on the floor. I am a thing to fear for sure.

You don't believe me? 

That can't be true. I'm a dinosaur, big and blue. I sneak around town looking for mischief to do.  My best friend is the rhinoceros at the zoo... Lou. He'll tell you I'm scary too. I go it alone, sneaking into people's homes. Just to eat their bologna and use their phone. You shouldn't wonder where I roam.

You don't believe me. Seriously? 

I'm a dinosaur!! Need I say more? I have big prehistoric teeth and a prehistoric ROAR! Trust me when I come visit you, I won't be knocking at the door. I'll be too tall to see, and sneaky to the core. You should be taking me seriously, but you're acting like I'm a bore. That's not the way to treat a dinosaur. 

Fine, I'm leaving. You're being mean and now I'm seething. Look! My chest is heaving! I don't like the attitude I'm receiving. I'm going home, you, you - so unbelieving!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

A Pop of Color

Listen, I'm all for spring and getting my hair cut and going out and buying shorts and tank tops and planning summer vacation, but do there HAVE to be flowers? I mean, too ostentation!, right? Don't you think they're trying to hard?

Spring in two months will be a joy,
But not for every girl and boy.
People are allergic to all that jazz,
And flowers are the worst that spring has.

Flowers smell and it doesn't go away.
It follows you throughout the day.

And it doesn't dim and fade with time.
No, it gets worse, kind of like this rhyme.

It gets in your hair and on your nose,
It tickles your olfactories and makes your eyes close.

The sneeze is the worst and it doesn't always come,
But lingers and tickles and makes your nose run.

It's the worst, it's awful, it can only get worse.
So PLEASE keep your perfume in your purse.

Don't spray it, don't share it, don't bring it to work.
And don't bring flowers either, or I'll go berserk. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Bringing in the Sunshine

Hi Flo!
Mike! I'm so glad we ran into you. Can we borrow your boat?
Why do you need a boat?
It's not for us. It's for our pet fish.

Ahh Sunshine
Sweet Sunshine.
A few more days and you'll be all mine. 
No sharing you with everyone,
No no, soon you and I will be one.

We'll sail away to parts unknown.
We'll wonder forever, but never alone.

We'll watch you cross the sky
And I'll clap and cheer as you go by.
And then we'll rest for another night.
Until tomorrow and your flight.

We'll play cards and stare at the stars.
And eat a dinner of lobster and energy bars.

Forever and ever
For all time we'll endeavor
To be together.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Be Be Terrifying

I'm not lying.
People run screaming 
And that's when I'm not trying.

I've got scaly skin
And no grin,
Look at the filth I'm lying in!

Would you be happy in this goo?!
Yeah, you'd be angry too.
So you should run and you should scream.
Because I'm unhappy and I'm mean.

I'm the meanest thing you've ever seen.
I'm meaner than the meanest mean.

I am loud and ferocious,
And my personal hygiene is atrocious.

I will be feared for all my might,
And you should run away in fright.

Yeah, that's right.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Sing It Monday

When I was a little lad,
So small and sad.
I loved my mom 
But I was bad.

She loved me so,
But I don't know.
I let her down.
And she let me go.

I went off to find my way.
I was looking for somewhere to play.
But I kept thinking of her.
I still miss her, every day.

Isn't your mom making you dinner?

My mom is great,
Her name is Kate,
She makes me spaghetti
Even when I show up late.

She is so kind,
And doesn't mind.
My bringing home little critters
That I find.

I should be nicer to her
That's for sure.
She is too wonderful.
And my friends do concur.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Waiting for Snow

The sun shines bright, no sign of the night,
But a storm is coming, no time for sunning.
Sail away my friend, before the snow begins. 
It'll be cold soon I fear, the storm beckons near.

Ben! That's really ominous! let me try... 

Rush the stores
Buy food and drink
Fill the bathtubs and the sink.
Buy stuff you don't really need.
Like sponges and bird seed.
Fill your cabinets with toothpaste and paper towels.
Grab your jacket, crochet a cowl. 
Collect your family and prep the cat.
A storm is coming! No time to chat.
We need to prepare, 
We need to rush.
Snow is scary, especially the slush.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Flashback to Thursday

I don't blame you, 
I blame myself.
Mom was helping me with the shelf.

I should have known that nail wouldn't hold.
But she said so,
And you know I do what I'm told.

So the shelf fell down
And the vases broke,
But don't tell mom it's her fault!
Her anger is no joke.

I'll just pretend it was me,
Until I have to time to try again.
Maybe next time I'll build the shelf in the den.

Just so we're clear:

Mom's are awesome,
Mom's are great.
But they're not always right.
Sometimes it's just fate.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016


I would say that I was happy to see you, but I think we're past that.
Don't like that Earl, your best friend.
No no, don't be nice to me now. That won't help you.
I'm an Elephant Earl! I need peanuts. How was I supposed to know those were your "SPECIAL" peanuts? please please please forgive me.
Fine, whatever. I'm not inviting you over for dinner anymore.

Saying Sorry

I like to think that I say sorry in a very dignified way.
But yeah, don't believe a word I say.
I dodge and weave, duck and run
Anything under the sun.
Just to get away from that scary thing.
"I'm sorry", has an icky terrifying ring.
I'll fake the flu, get a tattoo,
Hide for hours in the loo.
Just to avoid you.
I'll join a running club, get a back rub,
Call in a sub,
Just to hide from you bub.
But I still love you, I still care,
But honestly, saying sorry isn't fair.
Just forgive me like you always do,
And I'll be your friend again, just like new.
Ins't that better than all those things I have to do,
Just to avoid saying sorry to you?

Fine, sorry.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Best Friends

Sorry I missed you at the game.
It's cool. Look, I caught the ball.
Wow, that's cool. Where were you sitting when you caught it?
What do you mean sitting? I had to run really fast to get this thing.

Best Friends

I was once lost in the woods and my best friend said.
We'll probably never be found, we might as well build a shed.
That made me laugh, but now I'm not sure.
Do you think he meant to reassure?
Or do you think he was suggesting we stay.
And build a life in the woods that day?
I mean he's funny, and we both like sports,
But that's hardly a reason to build a fort.
No, it's probably good we stumbled upon the road.
I didn't really want to list 'woods' as my zip code.
But it's nice that he was ready to settle.
For me I mean, I'm not the nicest fellow. 
I kind of smell, and I sneeze all the time.
But I guess he's cool with it, that best friend of mine.

Friday, January 15, 2016

When Octopus Attack

Don't leave home without your octopus spray.
It's fun on the river, but make sure you're ok.
The octopus like to creep up on you.
And you don't want to get stuck fighting an octopus or two. 
You'd think you'd see a great big octopus coming your way.
But you won't and you can't because you're just prey.
So paddle as lightly as you can.
And please remember how this story began.
Bring the spray every time you go.
And be ready to run in case they show.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

I Forgot About Tomorrow

Carter nervously twitched in front of his happy parents. He'd forgotten to do his work, he'd gone to sleep instead, and now there he was ready to present his book report, but he had nothing. Not a single thing. It was awful. Finally, his mom sensed an issue and gently asked "would you like to tell us about last week's book again?" With a sigh of utter relief, Carter quickly shook his head and launched into a three part synopsis of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle. His parents clapped vigorously. 

Homework and Forgetfulness

Yeah, I forgot. 
I was tired and hot.
I rolled back and forth alot.
But it didn't come to me.
Didn't breach my tired dreams.
Homework didn't mean a thing.
Now I'm here with empty hands.
And I'll do anything I can.
But is it too late?
Have I missed my shot?
I hope not. 
Because getting it right really means a lot.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Gnomish Sing-A-Long

To you and the boys,
Make more noise!

And to the girls, sing on! 
While your pal plays the gong.

And to the kids in the back.
Don't break for that snack!

There's music to be made,
It doesn't pay to be afraid.

Stomp your feet!
Stand up and bang your seat.

Call out and scream,
Make sure everyone knows what you mean.

Because it's time for a change.
And good change comes with a bang.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Another Day to Remember

I was just going for pie
When a woman screeched "Oh my Oh my!"
I didn't know why
But I followed her eye to the sky.

There, way at the top,
Standing on the roof with a mop,
Was Kyle whining and crying for a cough drop.
Everyone was asking him to stop.
But he just whimpered again and pointed to the shop.

So there I went, running to the store,
Buying Kyle some more.
And finally he got down to the floor.
Everyone was very thankful and went about their chores.
And me? I headed next door,
My favorite place, the bookstore.

But Kyle followed me in,
And it was a such a time to get rid of him.
Don't look at me like that Ben!
I was nice until he asked if I wanted to go for a swim.
Then I lied and said I was headed to the gym.

So we parted.
And that's how my day today started. 

Monday, January 11, 2016

The Flowers are Coming

I know it feels like winter.
I know, I know. 
But trust me when I say,
Winter will soon go.
Ok, fine. It'll take a few months,
But soon it will be gone,
After a few lumps. 
of snow. 

And when winter is gone,
These cute green peeks will start to show
And you will find,
Flowers!! Starting to grow.
They'll peek out from the dirt
And behind the leaves,
They'll spread their petals,
In great jumps and heaves.

And the sun will shine so bright
And the flowers will continue to fight.
And you will resist with all your might.
To pick them.

Because if you don't I must say.
I really wouldn't go out to play.
Because if you pick my flowers little one.
I'll have the bees chase you down and sting you on the bum. 

Friday, January 8, 2016

A Little Octopus Fun

Hey hey, hey, hey
I'm fun, I'm Ray.
I'm happy, I'm cool.
I'm awesome, I rule.
I always win,
And I'm your friend.
So yeah for you,

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Coffee Time Meet and Greet

Hey sunshine!
Hey buttercup!
What's going on?
What's up?

The sun is shining,
But it's still pretty cold. 
I agree with that,
This weather is getting old.

Wanna go to the Bahamas?
Hawaii too?
Yes of course,
Nice! Let's invite Kate too.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

A Rest Before Work

I traveled all this way,
Passing planets and stars,
I had to listen to traffic,
Even though there were no cars.

I hovered for hours,
Over this run down train,
I got lost over Vancouver,
I couldn't see in the rain.

I did all that,
And I was still late to work,
I was so ready for the presentation,
Our boss now thinks I'm a jerk.

Why couldn't I have taken the beltway? 
It would have been so much faster.
But no I had to take the 'short cut.'
And it was a total disaster.

Sorry bud, that's a bummer.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Santa on Holiday

How was your New Years?
A gift. You?
Eh, people kept finding rainbows. I was running around all day hiding my pot of gold candy.

Santa is on vacation and it's a wonderful thing,
He's relaxing on the beach while you look for that toy he didn't bring.
So he missed one or two, it's no reason to be blue.
Santa will make it up to you.
Next year will be bigger and better,
He'll bring popcorn in sour cream and cheddar.
And there will be snow and ice
And all that great stuff that's nice.
So let him relax and soak up some rays,
And then I'll crack the whip, 'cause there's no time to play.
There are presents to buy, gifts to make,
Kids to keep track of, because Christmas isn't fake.
(says me, that's who)

Monday, January 4, 2016

Another Successful Year

Admittedly, the sleigh did catch on fire,
And the presents got a bit wet,
But Christmas did happen,
So I have no idea why you're upset.

Yes, yes, I know a reindeer got sick,
And Mrs. Claus yelled at you.
But you ran over the cat!
What else was she to do?

I'd mark it as a win,
Because all the present got there on time.
I realize it wasn't just how you wanted.
But there's really no reason to whine.

No let's go eat some pie,
And watch some football,
My team made the playoffs,
Even if the refs made a bad call.
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