Friday, November 29, 2013

When Crochet Animals Go Shopping



Blue team, you're on electronics. I want video games, movies, TVs, and gaming systems. Chuck has the list of things we want and you've all reviewed the flyers. Watch out for the entrenched shoppers waiting on timed sales. Don't waste your time on those, time is of the essence. I'll immediately get in line when we get there so just find me once you've grabbed your items.

Green team, you're on housewares, toasters, coffee makers, dishwashers. You've got your assignments. Most likely you'll need to split up into groups of two, don't lose your partner! He or she may be the only person who can save you if you're swallowed by a group of overtired teenagers. Those guys can drag you miles before you can fight your way out. Marvin will be in check out for your group so look for him when you're done. And for goodness sake, don't get lost.

Right, the vans are ready. Everyone got their phones? Good, remember to text me or Marvin if you have any trouble. Good luck out there.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Amigurumi Crochet Thanksgiving!!




Guffry: This is embarrassing. I'm a prized animal, a trophy. I should be revered by all.
Tom: Just be glad you're on a shelf instead of on the table.

Guffry: How did you swing that anyway? I thought for sure when they caught me hiding under those garbage bags that I was done for.
Tom: Wasn't anything I did, you were lying under the diaper pale bags.

Guffry: That does explain the smell.

[To those who celebrate Thanksgiving and those who don't, to those shopping today and those who aren't, to those who have Turkey and those who have Tofurkey and those who have mac and cheese casserole and hopefully few who don't - have a wonderful day and a wonderful holiday. Best wishes from me to you -- Karin] 

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Crochet Thanksgiving The Things May is Thankful For.



One more day until Thanksgiving. Mom says I need to improve by thankfulness wishes from last year, but really, I don't see what's wrong with being thankful for chocolate cream pie and spas. Chocolate cream pie makes everyone happy and there's a enough for sharing and she's always telling me to share more. The wonders of being at a Spa .... well it's indescribable. And spa time always relaxes me enough to put up with my sister Maggie, who by far is the most annoying person.

Ok, ok. here we go:
I am thankful for Uncle Joe, he'll be bringing pie. All kinds of pie. Like chocolate cream pie. Yum.

I am thankful for Cousin Crystal, who will arrive soon and hopefully be bringing her mac and cheese casserole again. (She'll expect a hug, I should prepare for that.)

I am especially thankful for Grandpa and Grandma, they'll bring presents and movies and cookies. (They'll want to play games too. I should go find those board games they like.)

I am thankful for Black Friday shopping, because it'll get mom and dad out of the house right after dinner and they won't see me finish off the chocolate cream pie. Also, they'll be shopping for Christmas presents, so it's a double win for me.

I am thankful for Thanksgiving day football, because then all my annoying brothers (and Maggie who for some reason likes football) will be sequestered in Dad's tiny office watching the game leaving me and Grandma with the house to ourselves. I hope we do mani/pedis again.

And finally, I am thankful for all the nice people in town who took the time to put up their Christmas lights early, because I'll be using the light from their decorations to sneak down to the kitchen and eat all the cookies before anyone else gets a chance. 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Amigurumi Dragon Does the Hat Make the Dragon?



Dan: Look! I'm a pilgrim. Spot on right? I bet I could fool everyone, we should walk around you could be all like "meet my friend Thomas, he's a pilgrim."

Bean: I don't think that's going to work.

Dan: Why not? It'll be so cool. People will be all confused and will offer me stuffing and pumpkin pie. Think of how much pie we'd get to eat.

Bean: I don't think people are just walking around with pie.

Dan: Of course they will! It's almost Thanksgiving. People are baking. People are traveling. It's all very exciting. They'll have stuffing and pumpkin pie. Trust me.

Bean: I don't want to dampen your spirits but there weren't any dragons when pilgrims were around and even with the hat you still look like a dragon.

Dan: But I feel like a pilgrim! I feel like playing with wooden toys and telling long complicated stories. Not like I can do either of those things, but I really feel like I could do it. Try on the hat, you'll see.



Bean: I do feel pretty Pilgrim-ee. Do you think we could find a wooden circle and a stick?

Dan: Dude, you look like a young Abraham Lincoln.

Bean: Sweet.


Monday, November 25, 2013

Crochet Humor Four Days to Turkey-Time




I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here.

No body sees me. It's just in their imagination. I am a doll, a stuffed animal. Merely a toy. No need to cook and eat me, that would be silly to do to a stuffed animal. But you can't even see me so why are we talking about this.

I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here. 

Friday, November 22, 2013

Amigurumi Humor Two Little Owls


Two little owls sitting in a tree,
One is older and one is three.

The older one, Jake, didn't want to share,
He was sitting there first and sharing wasn't fair.

John whined and cried and kicked his feet,
Jake called him a baby and accused him of deceit.

A fight broke out when John jumped Jake,
Their mother tried to intercede, but it was too late.

Both brothers tumbled from the tree and landed in the lawn,
Their mother banned them from the tree and called them evil spawn.

Jake and John laughed and laughed at how silly they had been,
Sharing wasn't so bad when your sharing with a friend.

The next morning they climbed back up the tree and said sorry to their mother,
They're up there now, sharing the spot and acting like good brothers.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Crochet Turtle I'm in Sales


I work in sales. I'm pretty good at it. I mean, I'm not the best, but I DO make sales, so I'm not the worst. Look, my ability to sell is not in question here. I thought we were going to talk about the hat. The hat I'm wearing. You hadn't noticed it? What hat did you think we were going to talk about? No I  do not sell hats. I just told you. I work in sales because I was telling you about myself. It's something you do in interviews. Well, the hat has nothing to do with sales and no, I don't know where you can get a similar hat.

Ok, so - the hat. I bought it at a restaurant in Arizona. I..what? Oh for goodness sake. Yes, I said I didn't know where you could get a similar one. We aren't in Arizona are we? And naturally I didn't think you'd want to fly all the way to Phoenix for this hat and I don't know of a place HERE that you can get one. Can we just assume that you are on your own if you want to buy a similar hat? Well, I'm sorry if I confused you.

Ok so the hat. I didn't exactly buy it. - Just please, let me finish the story would you?? It all makes more sense when you don't repeatedly interrupt. Yes, you are the interviewer and I answer the questions, but how can you understand if you keep interrupting. You're only getting one sentence in the story.....Can I continue? -  I was at this restaurant and if you buy the special desert you get a hat. It comes with a bandanna, but I lost that riding the mechanical bull. But the hat was really nice and I liked it and it felt like a cool reward for making a sale that afternoon so I kept it. And that's how I ended up with this hat. I never take it off. My sales have gone up 15% since I got it. You don't break a streak like that.

I don't remember the restaurant name, one of the guys coordinating the meeting made the reservation. Of course I'm not lying. Like I'd really not tell you to keep my streak going, that's....ridiculous. Why are you even interviewing me, this sounds like an interrogation over a hat. If I could remember I would tell you. I'm gonna go, this is getting nuts. Oh sure, if I remember I'll call you. Not.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Amigurumi Crochet Bunnies and Coffee



Yeah, I drink coffee. Of course I drink coffee. It takes a lot of caffeine to make my ears stand up like this.

It's not all muscle strength like those other rabbits brag about. There aren't enough muscles in the ear to make them look this good.

No, no, no. All real bunnies count on the strong flavor of coffee and an extra helping of caffeine to keep their ears standing at attention. We don't shy away from the strong stuff either. No wimpy tea for us. A double heaping spoonful of Colombian with a shot of espresso all the way. I drink at least 4 if not 6 cups of it a day.

And bouncing, you know we can't jump without that extra burst of energy. Hell, half the hopping I do is just the jitters taking over. Most of the time I don't even realize I'm moving. But that's the way of it. It's bunny life and you either get with the program or go hang out with floppy. 

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Crochet Humor Where is that Crochet Turkey



Ben: Guffry, you can't hide in here until December.
Guffry: Yes I can. I ate a big breakfast, I've got a magazine and a blanket. I'm all set. You just hop along and forget you saw me.

Ben: You don't really blend in with the shoes.
Guffry: I blend in fine.

Ben: The orange in your feathers kind of sticks out.
Guffry: I BLEND FINE!

Ben: Don't shoot the messenger. It's not my fault Thanksgiving is next week. You could be a bit braver you know.
Guffry: Says the Bunny Rabbit. They don't eat you on Easter do they?

Ben: I'll just go.
Guffry: I should think so.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Crochet Thanksgiving is Coming



Did you hear about silly old Guffry?
No, what?

He's hiding!
Why's he hiding?

Thanksgiving's next week. You know what that means.
Oh yes, it'll be time for old Guffry to become dinner, poor man.

Not like I have much sympathy. By the time Easter rolls around I'll be making eggs for boiling and dying. It'll be ghastly to see how my beautiful eggs get all painted up.
Don't forget the Deviled Eggs dear.

Gosh, I'd forgotten. Well, now I have no sympathy for Guffry. At least he's been around a  bit and had time to have some fun first.

I have to admit though, those Deviled Eggs are good.
Very good. 

Friday, November 15, 2013

The Difference Between Amigurumi Crochet Turtles



Shorty: I like Muriel, I do.
Mike: So what's the problem.
Biggy: She's perfect for you. Didn't the date go well?

Shorty: It was good. She's fun. But we don't really fit long turn.
Gil: Is it the size thing? She is a shell or two taller than you.

Shorty: No! I like that she's bigger, I like her personality, I like everything. But long term, it's just not going to work out.
Mike: Just say it. We're going to bug you till you spit it out.

Shorty: It's embarrassing, I don't want to say.
Gil: Just spit it out!

Shorty: I took her to my place and....she couldn't fit in the door!

Biggy, Mike,Gil:..................Ahahahahahah!
Biggy: Tough luck! None of us can get in there either. You need to build a bigger door and then she's yours!


Thursday, November 14, 2013

Crochet Humor Three Little Owls...



Three little owls, sitting on a fence.
One was named Jon and one was named Lawrence.

The one named Jake thought the other two were lame.
Lawrence made fun of Jon and called Jake a pain.

Jake hit Lawrence right in the nose.
Jon pointed and laughed until he got hit with a hose.

Jon attacked Jake and Lawrence jumped in.
They all fell off the fence and landed in a bin.

Their mother was a kind patient owl.
Unfortunately, due to them, she has a permanent scowl.


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Amigurumi Doll and Bear



Mick: Sometimes May, you can be a really not-so-nice person.
May: That's silly, I'm nice all the time. Why just yesterday I was walking to school and a dollar fell out of this man's pocket when he pulled out his cell phone. I ran up and it wasn't a dollar, it was $10!

Mick: And you gave it back to him?
May: Of course not. How is he going to learn not to put spare bills in his pocket with this phone. That is what wallets are for. No, I took Lilly out for ice cream. It was her birthday and I even let her pick the ice cream flavor. So you see, I am very nice. Even to Lilly who isn't very likable and kind of smells.

Mick: You don't normally let her pick?
May: [rolls eyes] Mick,she likes pistachio. That's not even a real flavor.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Crochet Humor Cat Scheduling



Duke: Hey Henry, how's it been?
Henry: Good! You know, climbing trees, chasing stuff.

Duke: What sort of stuff do you chase?
Henry: Let's see....on Monday I'm going to chase a mouse, Tuesday another cat, that's Sam, he's a friend of mind. Wednesday a mouse again. Thursday is dedicated entirely to moths. And Friday is for the birds.

Duke: Do all these people know that you're planning on chasing them?
Henry: Of course! It'd be kind of rude just to spring on them. I'm sure they have schedules of their own.

Duke: So you don't eat them?
Henry: Of course not! I mean what happens happens, but I have no intention of eating them.

Duke: I'd say that's dreadful, but you are a cat.
Henry: Mmmm, that's the rub isn't it?

Monday, November 11, 2013

Crochet Amigurumi Remember Veteran's Day



This is a great parade.
Agreed.
Totally.

Why are they carrying flags?
It's Veteran's Day.
Yeah.

What is Veteran's Day?
Really?
You don't know?

I really don't know.
Oh....
This is why we don't let you make big decisions.

Just tell me!
Veteran's Day is the day we celebrate those people who have served in the military.
Yeah, and Uncle Steve is out there so start waiving before I poke you in the eye.

Got it, sheesh. Oh hey! There he is, WAVE WAVE
Woo!
Go Steve!



Friday, November 8, 2013

Crochet Atlantic Land-Octopus




The impressive Atlantic Land-Octopus sits atop a stone bench enjoying a cool fall day in northern Massachusetts. 

Atlantic Land-Octopii have become quite prevalent in recent years and make sport of chasing other animals and juggling them. In the past few years reports have come in related to dogs, cats and even farm animals being seized and juggled. A day hiker traveling along the US/Canadian border reported seeing a Land-Octopus juggle two sheep and a cat for more than 20 minutes.

In their normal state the Atlantic Land-Octopus is quite docile. Sitting without moving for hours at a time. It is speculated by researchers that they are actually sleeping with their eyes open as a way to ward off potential attacks. When provoked they become agitated and will poke their attackers in the eye with their long tentacles. 

Hold on....I'm getting a report that a band of lesser Land-Octopii have gathered just behind the bench and are planning some sort of attack.

Yes! There they go. This is remarkable, a collection of smaller Land-Octopii have attacked this larger purple one. 


They appear to be trying to knock the larger Land-Octopus over or perhaps climb to the top. The reports coming in are mixed and we do not currently know the reasoning for the attack.

Oh! The purple Land-Octopus is now awake and is poking each smaller Land-Octopus in the eye. They struggle to maintain ground against the larger opponent, but they've lost the advantage. There goes one! Swiftly dropped to the ground below. It appears to be licking its wounds and scuttling off.

The other two are backing away now. One appears to be placating the larger Land-Octopus by bowing and ...oh my, one of the smaller Land-Octopii on the bench has now pushed the other off. No worries viewers, the falling Land-Octopus appears to have landed in a puddle of mud and other than being incredibly dirty, appears to be fine.

The remaining small Land-Octopus has now made a truce with the larger purple Land-Octopus and has rushed off to retrieve ice cream, brownies and whipped cream for the large creature - the traditional Land-Octopus peace offering.

This was a great day for science my fellow viewers. I doubt we'll see something quite as impressive for some time.



Thursday, November 7, 2013

Gerry the Crochet Giraffe Learns a Valuable Lesson



Gerry: ooooooh, flowers. Yummy flowers. This is GREAT! We should have come here long ago.
Gus: I don't eat flowers.

Gerry: Just try them, they are so delicious. I can't get enough. I might just eat every one! Try them Gus! You'll just love it.
Gus: Flowers give me gas.

Gerry: They do not! Flowers are great. They're so delicate and colorful and bees use them to make honey. What's not to like about flowers? You're just being silly. If you tried one you'd like it.
Gus: I'm sure I wouldn't.

Gerry: Well, I'm not letting you ruin my good time. These are the best flowers I've ever had. I want to come here every weekend and....and.....
Gus: Cat got you tongue?

Gerry: No I just....well, that's odd.
Gus: Stomach hurt?

Gerry: A little.
Gus: Told ye'.


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Crochet Humor Mick Gets Caught



Oh! uhh Hey Mom! Funny running into you here. Can I get you something?

What am I doing in here? Oh, you know....just cleaning.

Yeah! See how all the bottles are lined up now and I've turning them so you can read the nutritional information. That'll really help you with the diet you're on.

Who told me about the diet? Well May might have mentioned it, but I can't say for sure.

<blinking>

So.....what brings you here?

May wanted cookies? We don't have cookies! I looked everywhere so I know for a fact that there are no cookies.

No, no. I wasn't going to eat them! I was trying to organize them, they belong up here next to me so I was just looking for them so I could put them in the correct location.

OK I'll just be leaving now. See you later mom.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Amigurumi Doll Getting to Know May




I am May. Not the month may or a representation of the month, just May. As in, my NAME is May.

So many people misunderstand. Anyways, my name is May and I enjoy spending time with friends, gazing longingly out the window, arguing with my friend Mick, playing make believe and helping my friends with their problems.

And I'm a great listener! I listen to my friends all day long. I'm not quite sure what they're saying all the time because it's difficult to stare longingly out the window and pay attention, but I usually get the gist of it during the last five minutes or so.

And I'm great at keeping secrets too! Just yesterday Mick was telling me how he's been stealing food from the pantry and I told him not to worry, his secret was safe with me. And I came up with the best solution to the problem too! I just had my mommy get me cookies from the cupboard when I knew Mich was in there and voila! No more problems. But really, stealing is wrong.

I truly am the best friend to have in the world.

(Big thanks to Vanja Grundmann for the use of her pattern on Ravelry (http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/sleeping-buddies-lavender-stuffed-dolls) in the creation of May.)

Monday, November 4, 2013

Crochet Humor Pony Opposites



Pinkie: How far is it exactly?
Bud: It's about a mile down this brick path.

Pinkie: Is this really brick? It looks like stone. Pretty wobbly stone too. You'd think they'd cement it together or something.
Bud: Brick/stone, I don't care. We're going a mile done this way.

Pinkie: Well technically we just walked twenty feet so we have 0.99 miles to go.



Friday, November 1, 2013

Crochet Halloween Can Be A Bummer.



This is so great. So awesome. It's really happening. I thought mom would hold me back till next year, but here I am with Crazy Pumpkin and Jack. I wonder how many kids we'll get. Ohhhh, do you think they'll be impressed by me? I hope so. I hope they're all like "OMG I wish I had one of those!" and "Where did he get his hat??!"

I should have brought my camera. Maybe someone will have one and can tweet it to me or text it or whatever, as long as I get a picture. And I'll be all like ROAR! When they come by so I look as scary and creepy. So awesome.

Boo: Dude?
BenPumpkin: Oh hey Boo! Did you come to check me out? Jealous right?


Boo: Ben Halloween was yesterday.
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